Facebook posts mean nothing.

Well, today I feel sad. My heart is super heavy. Today was the first day I remember doing laundry and putting my girls clothes up and a very long time. They always do it. Which I’m not saying is a bad thing. It’s good that they know how. But it’s sad for me because I have been disconnected for so long. When they talk it goes in and out the other side. I blankly listen as they tell me about their day. I have given them kisses here or there. Hugs in the morning before the school bus waving good by. But not here. Mentally or emotionally. I am filling a spot. Paying the bills. Disconnected from everything and everyone around me. Today, start another job. Trying to make ends meet as a single parent. Trying to stay involved in the lives of my children but only pretending. I worry so much about the future. Nearly in a panic attack this morning. Knowing I’m going to miss my kids. Being to tired to parent them. But only today making their beds. Putting away their clothes. I didn’t get out of bed yesterday. Till time to go to the interview. I am always so tired. But last night ……London ( my youngest ) laid next to me. She rubbed my face and hair. She held me like I hold her. She told me I was the most amazing and beautiful mom in the world. That was it. I fell asleep. So worried about the world. I am tired. So the name of the blog is Facebook posts mean nothing. ( I am sorry everything is ran together, I am doing this on a phone and it won’t allow me to separate paragraphs )

The pictures, the stories, the posts about amazing my life is and how beautiful my kids are. If I am not truly present in the life I have. I can make everything look so beautiful on the outside but on the inside we are all screaming something hurts here. But for the sake of all of us I have to figure it out. I cannot let us sink. And they shouldn’t have to be strong. They are kids. So that’s all I got. Today I’ll figure it out. Somehow, how to make our lives work. And I won’t, well, I’ll post the blog on Facebook. Lol. Sincerely, a very tired single mom.