I lost my shit

Last night as I was trying to go to sleep. I kinda woke up. No one in this house has peace. I gave up. It has been 2 and a half years of pure hell. And actually it’s been longer than that. Because Darrell was before that. He destroyed who I was as a woman. Then moving here and one trauma after another. Ending with the death of the girls dad. But last night while I was talking with my youngest, I realized how detached I had really become.

My old patterns, that kept me safe are no longer working. I have been lost. I don’t want to forget this or just let it pass by. I want change. This is the part I have to change.

I believe in God. I don’t believe in the churches God. But I do believe in God. The one who has walked me through everything I have been through. The one who brings me peace in the storm.

This place is where I don’t end up like my mom. Or stay in a broke mind set. This place is being ok with me even if no one else is. Because I want to be and my kids love me. They deserve better and so do I.

Grief is hard. But I will not let it end here. I will not let this break me.

My name is Terri.

I love God. I love music, all music. I am beautiful. And strong. I am human. I don’t have to be afraid. I love my kids. And I am worth the fight and so are they.

I am just rambling to get this shit out of my head. But today….. I am grateful. And happy and peaceful.